Dear Baby, Happy Birthday

My name is Leda and I am a birth doula.

In lieu of a more detailed introduction, I'd like to share a birth story. I have a feeling that I'll have a lot to complain about in this blog, so let's start with some joy and optimism. For each of my clients, I write a letter to their baby detailing the events of their birth, something their parents can read to them as they grow older. But even though I address these letters to their children, I write them also for the parents, to help them remember the experience, even after long hours of intense emotion, physical exertion, and exhaustion may have caused some mild memory loss. The following is a compilation of stories I've written, weaved together to create a fully anonymous yet narrative story. All names of babies, parents, and care providers are (and will be for the rest of this blog) changed.

Laura Anne Cauller's Birth Story

September 19th, 2009

Dear Laura Anne,

While you were being born, I was your mommy's doula. I wanted to write you this letter about your birth because it was so wonderful. The most amazing part of your birth was the overpowering love everyone felt upon your arrival. You are a lucky, lucky girl.

It all started in the late evening of September 18th, 2009. Around 11:00 pm, your daddy started singing to you inside your mommy’s belly. As he sang, your mommy felt something different inside her, so she said to him, “Keep going! I think your singing is starting something!” As daddy kept singing, your mommy kept feeling that something different and soon realized that what she was feeling was probably labor contractions and that you were on your way! Your mommy and daddy

were so happy that you decided to come on your own, because otherwise your mommy would have been induced the next day. We knew right away that you would grow up to be strong and assertive, making decisions all by yourself!

In the morning, after a night of waking up every ten to twenty minutes to a contraction, mommy and daddy decided it was time to call me. I came over to the apartment at around 9:30 am to find your mommy peacefully lying on the bed, with your daddy leaning over her and gently stroking her hair. I knew immediately that no matter what, your mommy would be ok as long as your daddy was there to support her.

In between contractions, mommy was very chatty, chipper, and giggly. During contractions, she would become very quiet, close her eyes, and breath very slowly. She was doing so beautifully. We decided to take a walk to distract ourselves and help mommy’s labor progress a bit. It was very windy, but many people were out walking, too. We wondered what they thought of us, three people walking very slowly, stopping our pace and conversation every so often for your mommy to lean on daddy and get through the contraction.

We returned home, and over the next few hours, your daddy and I took turns giving your mommy massages, getting her food and water, and walking with her up and down the hall to speed her labor. We tried many different positions to help with the labor, and mommy liked this one the best: she would wrap her arms around daddy’s neck and hang down, swaying her hips back and forth while I massaged her back.

When mommy's contractions were three to four minutes apart and lasting one minute, I asked her how she was feeling and what she wanted to do. She mentioned that she might want to go to the hospital and get an epidural so that she could manage the pain better. I was very surprised because she appeared to be managing the challenge of labor with such strength and poise! But she said she didn’t want to be a “rock star” and keep going without the help of an epidural. We assured her that that made a lot of sense, especially since she had been such a rock star since her contractions began at 11:00 the night before! At around 4:30 pm, your daddy and I got ready for us all to leave for the hospital.

When the taxi came, daddy went down to meet the driver and tell him that he was about to make a very special trip, which was taking a woman to the hospital so that she could have a baby and become a mommy. He said, “Drive more carefully than you ever have before!” I helped mommy out of the apartment and into the car. During the drive, I gave mommy some crackers and Gatorade so she could keep her strength up. We told her when bumps and stops and turns were coming and she told us when contractions were coming so that the driver could slow down.

We arrived at the hospital minutes and quickly made our way through a maze of hallways and found the labor and delivery section. Daddy had to fill out some paperwork about mommy, so I helped mommy get some attention from the nurses. I said, “She’s in very active labor!” and a nurse directed us into a small room where the midwives would soon come. Mommy’s contractions were coming closer and closer together and were more and more intense, but she was still doing so beautifully. She even stayed strong and confident when we had to deal with a very rude nurse!

Stephanie, the midwife, arrived and greeted mommy with a big, warm smile. She checked mommy's cervix to see how far along she was in her labor, and found that mommy's cervix was dilated to seven centimeters. Now, when a woman has a baby, her cervix has to dilate to ten centimeters before the baby can come out. So seven centimeters meant that mommy was almost done and that you were so close to being right here in this world! We were all so proud of her.

Your mommy said she was ready for an epidural, so Stephanie went to get the anesthesiologist. When he arrived, he told your daddy and me that we had to wait in the hallway while he gave mommy the epidural. Your daddy was not happy about being separated from your mommy! But soon after, we came back in and your mommy looked so comfortable and serene. It was definitely the right decision for her.

With the epidural in, your mommy chatted away for the next hour. She was on the phone non-stop with friends and relatives to say that you were coming. We all thought this was very funny. At 10:00 pm, mommy said that she felt an urge to push. Stephanie checked mommy again and found that mommy's cervix was fully dilated to ten centimeters and that you had already come down a little! We were so excited that mommy could begin pushing!

Mommy wanted to find the right position in which she could push and decided that she would sit up and that daddy would sit behind her with his arms wrapped around her belly. And this is when your daddy really shined. He stayed right with mommy, whispering in her ear words of encouragement and love, stroking her hair, and wiping her forehead with cool cloths. The best support, I think, was during the moments in between pushes when he repeated, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

The minutes passed, and so did more and more pushes. Around 10:45, we began to see your little head. When daddy saw your head and mommy felt it with her fingers, they were in awe. In a few more pushes, we all saw your beautiful face, and at 10:51 pm on September 19th, 2009, your whole body slipped out and you were placed into your mommy’s arms for the first time. The whole room gasped with delight. I will never forget the expression on your mommy’s face: her eyes widened with incredible awe, as if she were viewing a miracle—which, of course, you are. She turned to your daddy with those wide, joyful eyes, who returned her gaze with the happiest of smiles, and then gave mommy a big kiss. Mommy said, "Hello baby! What a beautiful baby girl!"

Stephanie and the nurses were pretty pleased with you as well. You scored a 9 out of 10 on your first physical exam, meaning you were a very healthy baby. We were all so happy to hear you cry, to hear your strength! Almost immediately, you began moving your little head around and sticking out your tongue, telling us that you were hungry. I helped you and your mommy begin nursing, to comfort you and fill your little belly up with mommy’s good milk. It was pretty clear from the start that you two would make a great nursing team.

I left your mommy and daddy to give them some private time with you and to decide on your name. I ran into the waiting room and exclaimed to your Grandma, Grandpa, Nanna, Granddaddy, and Aunt Linda, "She's here!" Everyone was hugging and celebrating and asking us a million questions: “What does the baby look like?”, “What did her crying sound like?” and on and on. They could not wait to meet you.

Soon, Grandma's phone rang and it was your mommy, telling us all to come back in and meet you. We paraded past the nurse’s station without caring that it was past visitor’s hours, and thankfully, they didn’t say a word! When everyone came into the room, mommy was sitting up on the bed, looking beautiful and proud, daddy was holding you, and you were peacefully sucking away on daddy’s pinky finger. With all of your family, the room was full of happy tears, joy, and love.

It was a particularly special moment when your mommy and daddy announced your name. They named you (as you know by now!) Laura Anne, the names of your maternal great-grandmothers (Grandma's and Nanna's mommies), two very special women. You should be so proud to carry such a legacy.

Beautiful Laura Anne, I am so happy for you and for all that life is sure to bring you. Remember how lucky you are to be surrounded by such love. It was a joy and a blessing to share your birthday with you and your family.

With love,

Leda (your mommy’s doula)