Published Eavesdropper, Bad Doulas, and Birth Rape

Once again, a comment I was blessed to hear was selected for posting on the prestigious www.myobsaidwhat.com. MOSW is a hilarious and depressing blog for childbirth people to submit hilarious and depressing comments made by other childbirth people. My experience reading this blog usually goes like this:

first post on page: HAHAHA that's awful!
next: haha, oh dear, still awful
next: furrowed eyebrows, why are you like this?
next: sobbing, WHY DEAR GOD WHY?

I'm only giving you one to read, my submission. I give an elaboration of the situation in the comments section.

Thankfully, the mom took this comment in stride and laughed along with her OB. Part of me was glad to see that it didn't bother her. But another part of me wasn't. This kind of reaction, which I've seen a lot, reminds me of an argument that anthropologists Wendy Simonds, Barbara Katz Rothman, and Bari Meltzer Norman make in Laboring On. She wonders if doulas are actually making the politics of birth worse. Doulas often help women come to terms with this kind of treatment so that they retain a positive birth memory. But by doing so, are we wooing them into complacency? Preventing them from realizing the righteous anger that could encourage change and improve birth?

Someone made this comment on the post, explaining that the situation could be defined as "inappropriate vulgar language in intimate examination by a larger, stronger physical power over me."

While extreme, that definition is techically accurate. Which brings us to the controversial discussion of "birth rape" (my two cents on the topic: it exists).

In this particular birth, I didn't feel the need to talk about the comment her OB made at the postpartum visit, to see how she felt about it or encourage her to write a complaint. I just didn't think it affected her to the extent that she might need such kind of healing.

Instead, I'm warning everyone against this doctor. Is that good enough for the anthropologists?

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Coming soon: Miles for Midwives!

The 8th Annual Miles for Midwives 5K Walk/Run is taking place Saturday, October 2nd in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. This is one of my favorite events of the year: families, midwives, doulas, and all others in the birth-world and most importantly, all birth-world supporters join together to improve maternity care. In addition to the race, there will be a Wellness Fair with activities including yoga, reiki, acupuncture, massage, henna, and more. There will also be a silent auction and a Kid's Corner with games for all. I'll be there straddling two roles: doula/midwife supporter/future midwife and Metro Minis enthusiast, as I'll be manning the store's table!

Join the race by registering here, or simply come to enjoy all the activities, wander through the Wellness Fair, and admire all the cute babies.

If you can't make it but want to help out, please consider donating! I've set up my very own fundraiser page with a goal of raising $500.

It's going to be a great day for an even greater cause.

Happy Labor Day

In honor of labor day today, I'm going to direct you all to a video depicting the astonishing power of a mother's touch.

Why would you ever use a warmer when this can happen?

Happy Labor Day to all!

Pride and shame (or something less dramatic)

I recently passed my one-year anniversary as a doula! To celebrate it, I finally put up a bulletin board and stuck all my pictures of babies, mamas, thank you notes, and birth announcements:

The bottom section has gifts clients have given me that I need to use. Yeah, that's $40 of BamCash and a gift certificate for a 60 minute treatment at a spa. All those hours of massaging butts really do pay off.

On an unrelated note, I woke up today to a Facebook message from a previous client:

"Hey you! My sister said she saw you on TV yesterday. Were you interviewed at Metro Minis?"

Yes, yes I was. I did not think they (WPIX Channel 11) would air it, nor did I think ANYONE would see it. I'm a little embarrassed (do I really sound like that? why did I have to wear that shirt that day? and my hair!) But, posting it here is for a good cause (go Metro Minis!) and there's other good information (about Lactation Consultants and postpartum physical therapy) so go ahead, watch.